Okay, so, this one was obvious. I had to make a day dedicated to technology and such. Duh. That’s like saying one of these days isn’t going to be devoted to food. It’s just going to happen. But I digress…

Now while I’m not advocating making a vacuum climbing apparatus to get those really hard to reach places in your cathedral ceiling room, there are some cool vacuums out there. And after all, if you’re going to have to do chores, you might as well do it in style, right?

You could go for a Dyson or a Hoover, which both are excellent in their own right. Especially the bagless ones so you don’t have to worry about buying the wrong kind of bag. (Seriously, does anyone still have a bagged vacuum?!?) But, why not get a pimped out vacuum that you can enjoy while doing work?

Sure, you can get a crystal crusted vacuum cleaner, as seen here. But why? It might be shiny, but imagine losing one of those crystals in the rug. Suck city.

You could always get yourself a backpack vacuum cleaner, as seen here. Then, you could go to SkinIt and get a custom Ghostbusters skin to put on it and pretend to be a real life Ghostbuster. Not that I’ve tried that or anything…

Or there is the riding vacuum, as seen here. Though, you may need a large house for it, but imagine the possibilities!

And you could just buy a Roomba (they’re quite awesome) so it can do the work for you while bringing you a beer, as seen here.

Lastly, if you just want to pretend to be vacuuming, you could always buy THIS. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you if your wife/mom beats you for the real for not doing the chore.

Okay, bad title. But I couldn’t think of something better to title it, it being something that you have to do to make sure that the family clock is ticking smoothly (or internal clock, if you so prefer).

Today (Mondays), I’ll be focusing on the little things that can make a happy home. And guys, remember this phrase: Happy Wife, Happy Life. Memorize it. Write it down. Tattoo it. Just do it.

The task I chose for this opening topic is rather simplistic, but unless you have an unlimited amount of funds, careless about the environment in all aspects, have a housekeeper who does it for you, or you have piles of these and it’s a filthy, disgusting mess, this task is quite the important one. Dishes.

Dishes suck. Worst part about it, even if you have a dishwasher, they still suck. Why? Because until they invent a dishwasher that can individually scrub ever individual dish/cup/cheese knife, there will always be SOMETHING there. Whether it is soapy residue, leftovers that still got leftover from the wash, or just flat out didn’t clean it good enough.

What’s the point, then, of having a dishwasher where if you don’t pre-wash all the dishes, they’re going to come out just barely LESS DIRTY? And if you pre-wash, you might as well just go ahead and wash them all anyway because you’ve wasted time and energy and water already and they’re almost done! Isn’t it FrUsTrAtInG?!?

Aside from always using paper/plastic kitchenware (unless you have endless pockets of money, and then I’ll send you my “charitable funds” donation PO Box), or a maid that can do it for you, or a mountain of dishes that never get clean, you’ve experienced this problem. Oh, except for those guys who won’t go near dishes. And even then, dudes, you still have to put up with your wife complaining (or mom) about your lack of motivation to help out around the house. It’s better just to learn young and keep it up as the brownie points are a major bonus for a chore like this one. (Especially when your wife has a short gag reflex and notices that you forgot to dump out your extra milk from your cereal bowl 5 days ago!)

How do we solve this problem? Aside from “the dishes are done, man”  route, I found an article  (READ) that is pretty good. It’s from 1912, and no, the dishwasher was not utilized back then, unless you mean Rover or Spot.

The most important thing is to make sure you don’t just “smear” the bacteria around on the dishes. Also, wash off the dishes, since soapy dishes are an eyesore and can leave that “special sauce” flavor in a chilled margarita on the rocks. I prefer using the dishwasher for plates and bowls (after I give them a good one over with water and/or the soap scrubber), but I wash my cups by hand still as I can’t stand to see soap residue when I take a big drink out of my glass cup.

Anyone else have any suggestions?

Looking back through previous posts, I never introduced why I was writing this blog. I think it’s about time, over a year later. At least in my mind. So sit back and relax and enjoy!

First, let me explain the title of this post. Men stink. Ask any woman. But, there’s a reason why I said this.

Men are like onions. We smell atrocious and have many layers. If you cut us to quickly go through those layers, we still smell bad. But, when used properly, and once a woman learns how to appropriately use an onion, it’s fantastic!

But, they’re rough around the edges and the inexperienced cook will not know the fine intricacies of this magnificent ingredient. At the same time, however, an onion can overpower the rest of the dish, taking away from the deliciousness of the meal.

The point of this blog is this (aside from making you hungry for some onion soup now):

Men, you should read this. I’m going to start showing you how to be less stinky and have some fun along the way.

Women, you should read this. It will show you how to see if your man is stinky or not. And you’ll get a laugh out of it.

I realize this is sort of a directional shift in what has been posted previously, but that’s okay. It’s called evolution. The evolution of Man V Blog. It’s going to be a fun ride! And you might learn something too. I’ll come up with a schedule, such as Tech Tuesday, where it’ll focus on technological advances that will make the role of the man easier and better. Like the DVR. After all, men can record the game and let his wife/girlfriend/mom watch Grey’s Anatomy instead, coming back to the game later when he lets his wife fall asleep early because she’s tired. Men, write that one down. It’s golden.

Stay tuned!

Recently, I got into a conversation (if you can call a debate on Facebook that…) about the ridiculousness of the movie Paranormal Activity. One side said it was too ridiculous and therefore it was a crappy movie. The other side said that it took a concept that *could* happen (highly unlikely of course) and made an effective movie that was well edited. But isn’t this a debate over just about every movie made?

Tell me one movie that is actually, fully “believable” in happening. Movies embellish. Movies bend the truth. Movies ENTERTAIN us!

Look at some of the recent movies that have come out.

The Fourth Kind. Okay, well, some of you believe in Area 51 and probably enjoyed this movie. I wanted to see Milla Jovovich kick some alien butt Resident Evil style. So, the movie was okay for me, not something I would watch again though.

Bourne Identity. The whole series, actually. There are no “super spies” that do that stuff. Or at least villains that can’t seem to hit a target. Well, maybe blind villains. Maybe color blind villains. But isn’t it funny that in just about everyone action movie the bad guys can’t seem to hit the good guy though their shots outnumber the good guys 100 to 1? Not that I don’t mind watching the Bourne Identity & Co. since it is good entertainment.

Armageddon. Oil drillers sent into space to blow up an asteroid using a thermonuclear weapon after riding on it a la Dr. Strangelove. Now, while I think it’s totally plausible to play with animal crackers on a woman and claim it to be a safari, let’s be real here. It’s entertaining, but no way this is even close to reality.

Any Nicholas Sparks books turned into movies. Guys, are you with me on this one?!?

So, at the end of the movie, when you finish off your large drink and ask yourself if you really want to get a refill, remember it’s a movie. It’s supposed to entertain us. If you were entertained, it was a decent movie. If you want to watch it again, then it’s a good movie. If you want to own it, then Hollywood did it’s job. But the great movies make you quote lines, dress up as that character (Bond anyone?), and leave a lasting impression on you that you won’t soon forget. Here’s to Paranormal Activity 2. May it be as creepy as the 1st and be something that I’ll watch just as many times!

I love Android. It’s my friend. It should be your friend too!

Forget Apple. It makes me sick just to think of the potential the iPhone could have if it wasn’t burdened and shut down because of Steve Jobs.

Forget Palm. Sony. Motorola. And don’t even get me started on Windows mobile. (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth saying Bill Gates’ nightmare!)

Android is THE operating system you want. No, you NEED! Why? Because it’s fully customizable. Fully operational. Fully awesome. There is really no reason to be on any other mobile OS than Android. I’m drooling even thinking about Android 3.0 coming out next year.

The ONLY thing Apple iTunes has going for it over Google’s Marketplace is the number of apps available for download. But, the Marketplace is growing quickly and I suspect that it will soon surpass the sheer number of Apple apps soon. The important apps are already in Marketplace. I’ll list them below so you can go get them.

Best Apps and FREE!

1. Antivirus (it’s free and you MUST have one on any operating system you have)
2. Shazam (for when a song comes on the radio and you want to know what it is so it doesn’t bother you for days to come)
3. NFL Live (all the NFL games via audio, and if you want to pay for VCAST from Verizon, you can watch some games and videos streaming – assuming you have Verizon Wireless)
4. ASTRO (file manager. it’s good and free. unless you’ve rooted your phone and you want to go with Root Explorer, though you pay $5 for it – it’s worth it)
5. Advanced Task Killer (it closes those apps that you thought you had closed, but really they run in the background – which Apple can’t do as well as Android!)
6. Dolphin Browser HD (THE web browser for Android)
7. Google Sky Map (because you should know what you are looking at when the stars are out)
8. Yelp (works almost as well as the desktop version of Yelp)
9. Google Voice (because it’s awesome. using the internet {wifi} to make calls overseas at MUCH lower costs, or utilizing the great voicemail system, etc.)
10. Pandora (stream radio EVERYWHERE you get a cell signal)

For those that have Verizon Wireless and FiOS or Verizon TV/Internet, you should get the FiOS Mobile Remote so you can control your DVR from anywhere you get your wifi signal. I love changing the channels from the other room, just to make my kids ask what’s going on. Nothing like having a remote on you at all times! Plus, you should also get Verizon FiOS DVR app so if you forget to set the DVR, you can do it at anytime from anywhere. I can’t count the number of times this has come in handy!

But, one app that is just pure awesome as it comes in handy. Ringdroid. Turn mp3s into ringtones by splicing whatever you want for how long you want and so on. It’s awesome. I wonder if I can use that word again about it? Yes. Yes I can. AWESOME.

So, this is the time where you need to say something. I have TONS of ringtones (thanks to Ringdroid). What is your current one or ones that you’ve used in the past? My current one is The Gambler by Kenny Rogers, as you got to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. My previous one was Sweet Caroline by the Glee Cast as it always gets me singing.

What is an acceptable loss? Is there such a thing? Or should you always expect your team to win 100% of the time?

In the age of salary caps and free agency, the leveling of the playing field has seen dramatic things in the NFL. The once mighty (Jets, Giants, Vikings) are relegated to ‘okay’ status while the once “who the hell are these guys” (Patriots, Buccaneers, Texans) are suddenly looking liking contenders or playoff teams.

No one can argue that the KC Chiefs haven’t had a great 1st quarter of the year. If anybody picked them to go 4-0, you really need to put down the bottle of Jim. I’d have been happy with 2-2, though KC always plays SD tight.

Looking at the rest of the schedule, I consider a few of these games to be “acceptable losses” as I don’t expect KC to go 15-1. At least I haven’t found a big enough bag of an unknown item to smoke to make me believe that.

My predicted losses are:

Houston – 10/17
Denver – 11/14 (it’s at Mile High… only reason)
San Diego – 12/12 (at San Diego)
Tennessee – 12/26 (Christmas in KC is brutal, but I think Chris Johnson is just too much)

So, final record for the Chiefs: 11-5. Playoff bound, possibly as AFC West Champ (doesn’t that sound nice!)

But, there are a few WTH losses that always creep in, such as losing at Arizona (no QB – even worse than Oakland), losing at Jacksonville (this is the epitomy of a 1 dimensional team – Garrard is horrible), or losing some road game either in Oakland (when the whole team misses the bus from the hotel) or in Seattle (doesn’t that remind you of some GREAT DT games… memories *tear*).

Realistic ending record: 10-6. Still playoff bound.

But, again I ask, is there such a thing as an acceptable loss, and if so, who are your acceptable losses?

Set… HIKE!

Okay, so, if you haven’t heard, the miners in Chile are finally coming up after 69 days trapped near the center of the Earth. Hopefully, though, they won’t bring up Brendan Fraser.

Low blow, but, hey, I did like him in a few movies. Give me a few to think of them…

But, anyways, I am intrigued by how these men survived in close quarters for 69 days and not go crazy. (One guy did say he see God and the Devil daily.)

“I was with God, and I was with the devil. They fought, and God won,” he said. Sepulveda said he grabbed God’s hand and never doubted that he would be rescued.

Atheists, fear the Chilean!

It makes me think though, what would I do if I was trapped underground for 69 days, with only a flashlight, a book or two, and NASA MREs for my dinner, what would be the first things I would do when I got out.

And so, a list of TOP 5 things.

1. Cheeseburger. (a la Tony Stark in Iron Man) Preferably Five Guys with some massive Idaho potato fries.
2. Take a shower in THIS thing (not THIS one).
3. Cheeseburger Take Two.
4. Plan a LONG vacation here, where there is no darkness.
5. Cheese… Nope. Skydive.

Now, you may be asking (especially if you are my wife), why isn’t my family on here. Well, that’s because they don’t belong on a list. They are above it. I am a man after all.

Anything you all would add or do differently?

I want to my eyes to stop bleeding. I want my stomach to settle so I don’t visit the little boys room so much. I want so many things for my beloved Chiefs that it drives me insane to only see half a team show up on Sunday. It’s sad. Real, real sad.

So, let’s go over what happened and I’ll give a brief update to my awesome workout routine!

Chiefs Offense: C-. Outside of Jamaal Charles, who actually showed up? Anybody? T-Jones got under 20 yards on 8 carries. Not good. Cassel decided to return to his “over-paid, under-talented” routine of ole, though it would have slightly been upgraded had some ill-timed drops not happened. Dwayne Bowe… #@$”#@$@#(*#& Moving on. Chris Chambers is where after signing a decent deal for an aging veteran? Anybody see him on the field? At least Tony Moeaki (say that 5 times fast) is AWESOME. For now… He is on an anemic offense though.

Chiefs Defense: A. Would have been an A+ if Hart wouldn’t have gotten a rushing touchdown. I don’t care what team you are, but if you hold Peyton to a terrible game like that and keep him out of the endzone (and pick him off), you get an A. Hali is a monster. If he doesn’t make the pro-bowl off this defense, then he needs to destroy the media. Big time.

Chiefs Special Teams: B. Succop is a legitimate kicker. Colquitt is the best punter in the league. But where were the returns of Arenas or McCluster? Kind of quiet… Let’s hope that’s not a trend.

Coaching: B-. Some decent calls, though I would have like to have seen Moeaki targeted more and McCluster to get the ball on a swing pass or end around. Kicking the onside at the beginning of the game was something I’m okay with. But going for a 51 yard field goal down 10 with under 2 minutes left on a 4th and 4? Give it to Jamaal. Find Moeaki down the middle. That TD is more important than trying a VERY long field goal from a 2nd year kicker. Succop is good, but even that’s stretching his range.

Overall: B-.  Should the Chiefs have won? They had a chance, yes. If this team had a legitimate down-the-field threat and a go-to, true #1 receiver, Cassel wouldn’t be nearly as bad. He’s bad, yes. But not AS bad. Bowe needs to find some rubber cement to paste onto his gloves, a la Orlando Jones in The Replacements.

 Workout totals: 1 time. Yes. I’m lame. But at least my emotions got a workout watching the Chiefs v Colts via Sky1Sports through the UK channel that was streaming it!!

So, it’s continuing on. But I found a new way to burn some fat. Laptops!

How many of you heard about this syndrome? It’s called “toasted skin syndrome”. Sounds like a bad B horror movie killer. You know, like “Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog”. (much kudos for those that get the reference)

Evidently if you leave your laptop on your legs, the warmth of the laptop will soon toast your skin (not extra crispy though) cells and make you more prone to skin cancer. Who needs to lie out on the beach then for that? I can see the beaches going empty now… Or you could always look like her.

So, it’s a few days after I started my fat burning initiative to get back into shape. Here are the results so far.

Total Workouts: 1

Total Chicken Nuggets: 5 (actually, 2 strips, 3 nuggets – all from Chick-Fil-A)

Nuggets > Workouts. Fail.

Well, at least I haven’t completely done nothing. But with my birthday looming, here’s hoping that my total workouts will soon equal nuggets, unless of course, I go back to Chick-Fil-A. Must resist… Must resist…

I’m a slacker. I have medical proof now. Empowered? Yes. A good reason to be? No.

I had a “health screening” today in hopes of seeing just how far I’ve fallen from my high school days as a cross country runner / tennis player. I now fully understand the phrase “my how the mighty have fallen.” Though, probably not in the correct context.

D’oh.

So, in hopes of returning to pre-marriage/pre-children awesomeness, I’ve decided to begin posting my progress and tidbits for everyone that might be in the same (mis)fortune as myself. It should be a wild ride. I may actually even get off the couch for this one. Maybe.

So, to the stats from today!

Height: 5’8” (uh… think it’s off a bit, unless I’ve shrunk 3 inches or they repositioned themselves on my waist. plausible…)

Weight: 221.0 lbs. Only about 100 pounds over than what I graduated high school at. Apparently I ate a Hellfire (HAL-3) missile. (LINK!)

Workout Regiment: Uh… I knew I forgot to do something today… Though, this looks like a good one and I’ve heard good things about interval training using a treadmill. Like THIS ONE.

And now, something to cheer you all up with, shown to me by my awesome wife. Enjoy!