Posts from — February 2010

In this edition of “Free-For-All-Friday”, we’ll explore ways that you can make a million dollars in today’s economy. Sure, a million sounds like a small number (if you have a few billion lying around), but it would be more than enough to get 95% of us by for our entire lives, assuming we don’t go out and buy property in California.

Let’s quickly examine what you could buy for a million bucks before ManVBlog tells you how to make a million.

1. It will buy you this home (not homes, just the home, taxes not included):
   http://www.weichert.com/27999990/?zip=22066&minpr=1000&maxpr=2000&dir=ASC&view=gallery
2. It will buy you this car (gas not included):
   http://www.dieselstation.com/cars/1-million-dollar-lamborghini-reventon-a700.html
3. It will buy you this cell phone (no cell phone plan though):
   http://www.engadget.com/2006/05/17/the-million-dollar-cellphone/
4. It will buy you this down-right hideous computer that is more bling than “bang for the buck”:
   http://www.geeksugar.com/Million-Dollar-Computer—Gadget-One-Needs-112293

So, how do you make a million dollars?

Here are some ideas:

1. Walk around the U.S. toting a placard that reads: “One million people. $1 each.” Though, you might have to find some pretty robust sneakers for such a trek.
2. Find a piece of art in a dumpster, then sell it. Who knows. You might be this lucky:
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_RQVa_2Ulk
3. Make a really bad movie, find lots of people after promoting the beejesus out of it, and then charge to make them leave. Or else have me sing the opening number.
4. Go back to elementary school and beat up lots of kids for their milk money.
5. Have THIS comic book or even THIS comic book. (Now who’s laughing at us comic book collectors, huh?!?)

  VS

Or else, maybe I’ll start an online donation drive that will take $1 donations to promote ManVBlog for a TV deal. $1M for a set. Who wants to be first? Only a million to go…

Men, get a beer gut. It just might save your life. No, really.

Look at this guy’s gut.

He is definitely ROCKING THE BEER GUT and ladies, you can too!

So, no longer does it need to be known as simply storing up fuel for a sex machine, but it can also now be known as a life saver. Here’s the gist of what happened…

43 year old pub owner (we’re in England here, so it’s a “pub”) was tossing out a gent for getting into a “row” with another customer. Unhappy gent then pulls a 3 inch knife on him, stabbing him in the gut. The “extra fat” saved the man’s life as the penetrated blade didn’t get to any organs. All in all, the pub owner got lucky. Or else someone felt sorry for him as his parents named him Snaz Martin.

So, men, drink up. Buy a sixer of Red Hook and grow out your life savin’ machine. Or sex machine. Or combine the two and call it your “sex savin’ machine”. Your wife will thank you. Or at least kick you out… you and your sixer.

Read the FULL STORY here.

In honor of FREE PANCAKE DAY at IHOP (find your location HERE), ManVBlog would like to present to its avid readers a history of the pancake.

*grabs a pipe and sits down by a fire in an expensive (but not too revealing) robe*

The modern pancake can trace its roots back to the Romans. While Maximus Decimus Meridius was otherthrowing the Roman emperor during its gladitorial games after Joaquin Phoenix killed the other emperor what’s his name, the people in the stands could have been eating a “Alita Dolcia” (Latin for “another sweet”). These early pancakes were made of flour, milk, eggs and spices and were eaten like a flatbread sandwich, in which you could add honey or meats to it (not to be confused with the flatbread sandwiches from Subway).

The first recognizable pancakes came about during Medieval times, when you could enjoy a savory griddle cooked pancake while you watched your neighbor suffer from the Bubonic plague. These were particularly enjoyable during the Easter season, especially on Shrove Tuesday (or, as you might know it, Mardi Gras). Known by many names (Germany = hearty potato pancakes; France = crepes and galettes; Ireland = Boxty; Scottland = drop scone; Indonesia = dadar gutung; India = poori; China = bao bing), pancakes are a global phenomenon that can be enjoyed in any language. In Sweden, Thursday nights are considered PANCAKE NIGHT (as dessert), something that has been done since the Middle Ages and enjoyed thoroughly after a rousing bowl of pea soup.

The Native Americans in the United States had a concoction called “nokehick” and the Dutch Americans had a buckwheat variety that they called “panekoeken”. In 1745, you could order “hoe cakes” (because of what they were cooked on) and get pancakes, unless you were in an unsavory location. The word “pancake” did not even come into existence until the 1870s.

And that leads us to today. Oh IHOP, you festive company, you! Toying with our inner pancake taste buds that have been “evolved” over time so that they lay within our very DNA. We have truly adapted a pancake nerve that any time we hear the word “PANCAKE”, we sprint to the nearest pancakery like a baby drinking a cappuccino. Pancakeness, oh dear pancakeness, I salute you. Now, pass the syrup.

A MORE DETAILED HISTORY OF PANCAKES CAN BE FOUND HERE.

Why would someone want to buy earbuds for your iPod that are 600 times larger than the normal ones? Must be a new fad to somehow strap these ginormous things to your head just like it was cool to drape a clock around your neck. They be straight trippin’, boo.

Or how about an old iMac turned into an aquarium? Do you really need something like that to make yourself “cool”? Or are you just that big of an Apple junkie and would buy Steve Jobs’ underpants if they were for sale too?

I mean, really?

And even an iPod coffee table? Good grief.

When does it move from something cool to have to complete insanity? Oh well, as long as there is a market for it, people will make it.

Now, where is my old Sony Walkman that I can convert into an iPod holder…

Check out the ARTICLE HERE!

Okay. So, you want THE best experience out of listening to music or watching portable movies as you wait in line at your favorite doctor’s/dentist’s office. What do you do to kill time? Forget that Sony Walkman and your extensive tape collection that features MC Hammer’s “Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em”, Vanilla Ice’s “To The Extreme”, or your Boyz II Men single “End of the Road”. (All classics, and on my player, of course).

But, all the guides out there that try to compare the iPod line to the Zune line don’t quite get it. Comparing, say, the iPod Touch to the Zune HD is like comparing a fruit salad to an orange. Yeah, you get lots of stuff with a fruit salad, but that orange you get purely the orange and all of its goodness without an apple or whip cream thrown in the way to cloud that orangy-orange flavor. And for some people, they like having the fruit salad, while others prefer the orange or the apple or banana.

So, here’s the deal. iPods are like that fruit salad. They do lots of things: movies, music, internet, camera, touch screen, and the largest collection of downloadable free and purchasable applications for any mobile platform. Period. Lots of things packed into a nice package. And if you get the iPhone, you can combine all of that with your phone, making it like a portable media entertainment package that you can use on the go in all instances. Sounds good, right?

Well, I don’t like fruit salad, as there are certain fruits that I just can’t stand (like having to use AT&T for an iPhone). I like to have specific flavors that tantalize my taste buds, experiencing the full flavor of the orange without being interrupted by a stray grape or mellowed out from the whip cream. I like the sultriness of the apple as I bite into it, that rush of tastiness with each passing mastication. That, my friends, is the Zune HD.

The latest in the Microsoft (*coughs*) lineup is the Zune HD. Available in the 16gb or the 32gb version, it is like holding the ultimate entertainment package in your hand. Of course, it doesn’t have the applications as the iPod has, but you really get the full experience in music and movies that play through this baby. Oh, and it comes with HD radio, which is a new thing if you haven’t heard about, and it sounds fantastic. CD quality music pumped into your ear lobes will have you wondering why you settled for fruit salad instead (if you went that route). The Zune HD’s movie ability is phenomenal, sparkling upon a 480×272-pixel OLED (yes, OLED!) display that makes you want to drool. As an accessory, you can purchase an HD-OUT station that will allow you to hook up your Zune HD to a (preferably) HDTV so you can watch those movies or music videos or anything else you might have stored on it.

So, yes, you could go buy a fruit salad and be content with that, and that’s all good and fine. I have a fruit salad player (iPod Touch – 8gb – 1st Gen.) and never knew what I was missing and I was completely content with it. But once you have tasted that lustful sweetness, that tangy goodness and that pure, unadulterated awesomeness that it is something perfect at what it does and doesn’t have to try and be everything, then you may never go back.

Do yourself a favor, and go makeover your portable multimedia player self today and eat just the orange today.

And yes, I did use a thesaurus today. I felt big words would make me sound smarter.