Flippin’

One word title, because it applies to so much today.

1. It’s been a FLIPPIN’ long time since I’ve written in this. I don’t know why. I guess I’m lazy. So… *DING* Round 2 goes to BLOG. Damn.
2. Wish I could have done some of this flippin’ with my longest finger today while driving, and thus why I’m posting again.
3. It just sounds awesome to say, and can be used in so many ways. “You flippin’ reject! Go flip yourself!” and my favorite: “Flip you.” And yes, that’s about as “colorful” as I go.

To my rant!

So, how many of you drive. If you’re reading this, I bet the percentage is somewhere in the 95%+ vicinity. The other 5% break down as such: 3% suspended licenses, 1% not old enough, 1% don’t have a car. I feel the 3%. I have known that pain, my fellows. I have known that pain…

Driving into work today, I had to pass on the right hand side a LARGE number of people. We’re not talking one or two cars (which still irks me by the way), but at least a dozen or more. You wanna know what really chaffs my wad, PASSING ON THE RIGHT! If you’re going to drive BELOW the speed limit, get in the right hand lane. If you’re going to text while driving, get in the right hand lane. If you’re going to driver’s learning school, drive in the right hand lane! (and don’t text while you’re learning either… *wish I would have had my camera on my phone ready for that one…*)

Living in a major metropolitan area, I expect to see major failures on the roadways. In fact, if I don’t see at least ten instances of almost wrecks, I feel that I’m doomed to have one to make up for the low average of the day. I mean, c’mon now. Speed limits are optional in this area, and the only ones that follow it are the people who see a cop and slow down to let the cop zoom by them at 10 over the speed limit and those folks that shouldn’t be driving in the first place. Though, in my 4+ years here, I have learned some “things” to watch out for and it’s helped out tremendously. I’ll share some:

1. If you see a car speeding up, slowing down, then going side to side within their lane, they’re texting. Just pass them, point, and laugh at their horrible skillz. I can do it without swerving.
2. If you see a line of cars in the left hand side in a long line as the right hand side is whizzing by at a normal speed, it means that there is a tourist driving ahead, and rather than be in the right hand lane, they drive in the left because they have no idea what they’re doing. Or else there’s been a wreck in the median or on the other side of the road (going in the opposite direction) and everyone is slowing down to stare at it. I really flippin’ hate that one.
3. If you see a “driver’s education” marked car ahead, pull off. Don’t attempt to pass them because they’ll try and hit you. It’s true. When the learning driver stares at a car passing it, they’ll inevitably steer that way too. So, take a break on the side of the road or find an alternate route. Or you could always wait for the inevitable to happen to someone else ahead of you.
4. If you see a car driving down the center of the road, taking up both lanes, assume that they have no idea what they’re doing and need to be honked at profusely. However, if it’s a large pickup truck, leave them be, unless you want your small car crushed like an empty snack bag of chips.

A funny thing happened on the way to work earlier in the week too. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen two cars play chicken with each other by trying to run the other one off the road in the other lane. (Understand that?) Here’s the scenario:

CAR A wanted to get into the right hand lane, and felt that CAR B would move to let him/her. CAR B didn’t think so and was almost ran off the road by CAR A. In retaliation, CAR B sped up within a few seconds which allowed CAR A to get into the right hand lane. CAR B changed lanes (now in the left hand one) and promptly slowed down to get beside CAR A and tried to get back into the right hand lane, thus forcing CAR A to swerve to miss. A merry-go-round of this crap ensued where each car took turns trying to run the other off the road while I looked at the car beside me and mouthed some choice words, pointed, and laughed. The dude did the same thing.

Do you have any stories worth sharing? Put ‘em down in the comments, or just wait till next week. I’ll have another ten to share.