Who Thinks This Crap Up? Frankenstorm?!?

“Frankenstorm”. No, it’s not a new movie and no it does not involve Frankenstein or Mary Shelley. In other words, it sounds lame since it doesn’t sound like something cool.

“Frankenstorm” (unless you want to refer to it as Al Franken winning a senate seat) is some “chaos theory” (Thanks Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park!) of the worst possible scenario for a END ALL of END ALLS of storms hitting the West Coast. Yeah. Can someone say WHY DO PEOPLE GET PAID TO SIT AROUND AND THINK THIS CRAP UP?!?!? *and if you know someone, let me know, as I wouldn’t mind getting paid to think things up… My phone number is…*

So… let me tell you the gist of this “Frankenstorm” that someone on too much Redbull thought up.

3 STRAIGHT weeks of storms (1 week of really, really bad storms non-stop) followed by a stalled out 2 week system that just dumps and dumps and dumps until it finally drains itself of all of its precipitation. Roughly, 8 feet of rain during this period. 8 FEET! 96 INCHES!! 96 MILLION MICRO-INCHES!!! (okay, I have no idea what a micro-inch is, but it sounded large)

Remember when “The Big One” was supposed to hit and California was supposed to break off into an island, form into a prison penal colony, and Snake Plissken (aka Kurt Russell) was supposed to swoop in and recover a doomsday device? Oh wait…

What about California turning in to San Angeles (San Diego to Santa Barbara) where it would be illegal to swear, eat salt, and all restaurants are Taco Bells? Oh wait…

It seems I’m on a “not-quite-reality” kick. “Frankenstorm”… Product of Climate Change… no… Global Warming… wait… What is our boy Al calling it these days? Polar Bears or something?

Anyways, once again… *if you know someone who funds these things, besides Hollywood, let me know, as I wouldn’t mind getting paid to think things up… My phone number is…*