So, a new study shows that beer is good. Man has been saying that for some time. It’s good to know SCIENCE finally caught up with us.
No longer is science frivolous (study of rock snot – and no, I’m really not making that up!) and extremely costly for things that don’t matter (ATLAS project – roughly ~$370M to let atoms hit each other)
If you haven’t seen the article from LiveScience yet (HERE IT IS) for your viewing satisfaction.
It does not recommend downing a keg. Sorry frat boys. But, it does say light to moderate consumers (and who knows what those “groups” are, though I would assume that THIS IS BAD) actually benefit from the silicon (the same kind Bill Gates and Steve Jobs spend millions upon millions on) that are laced in the grains and hops. Hops have more. Sorry wheat beers, though you do get some of the silicon. The silicon actually helps with bone health and keeps up the density of your bones over those that don’t drink beer.
Did you know bananas have silicon in them too? Not as much, but a wee little bit.
Anyways, I digress. Now I have a reason to drink beer over eating a banana. Awesome. And for those of you that don’t drink beer, now there’s a reason to try one. I suggest Red Rock (see previous posting here).
So, forget an apple a day keeps the doctor away. A beer a day keeps OSTEOPOROSIS away. Bottoms up! Time to Makeover them bones.
It was a rainy day outside. We were all gathering by the kitchen table to enjoy a warm bowl of Spaghettios when “they” were pulled out. First, the green army man, its plastic rough and worn, as if he had been chewed on by a dog. Then, out came the little troll with the wild blue hair. Finally, that boyish “action hero” GI Joe came out, wielding a massive 2 inch gun. It was chaos! That little GI Joe made that army man raise his hands above his head as the troll’s hair to go from blue to purple as it was in a lot of hot water now. All caused by that massive 2 inch gun… Damn you, GI Joe. Damn you.
Now, imagine that story, but taking place at an elementary school in New York, Staten Island to be precise. The role of GI Joe played by a police officer and the army soldier played by a lego man wielding an ax. Then, out of nowhere, this boy (see below) pulls out the massive 2 inch gun. Damn. Kids all over the cafeteria scream in horror, teachers run amok, and the lunch lady drops her hair net. Madness. Damn you, 2 inch gun.
That kid is an evil mastermind. How did he manage to get that massive 2 inch gun past those metal detectors? Chaos! Amok! Yahtzee!
Look at those eyes, those beady brown eyes and dishelved hair flop upon that tiny tots temple. Horrifying. And in his hands, he wields the massive 2 INCH GUN! I’m wetting myself as I want to go find some cover. Now I know why some armed forces people ask for Depends in their care packages overseas…
DAMN YOU 2 INCH GUN!
The principal, she’s valiant. She wrestles the boy to the ground, using every ounce of strength in her body and manages to RIP that 2 INCH GUN from the boy’s mighty paws. She has saved the day. Perhaps now she can take a better picture as her school is protected forever from that 2 INCH GUN.
What does the boy get? The gallows? Electric chair? What can it be as he wielded that mighty 2 INCH GUN and held the school hostage!!!!!
He almost gets suspended… Almost.
The boy’s parents are furious. SUE HER! SUE THEM! DAMN THEM FOR TAKING THAT MASSIVE 2 INCH GUN!!
The school is safe now. The tale is over. The sequel is doomed… unless the lego wielding ax-man decides to go crazy.
Alright, coming up on the Olympics in Vancouver, so we’re getting to the end of the look at the hottest female athletes that will be competing there. Without waiting much longer, let’s get to it!
Hillary Knight – Hockey
The youngest member of the US Women’s hockey team (at only 20 years of age) is also one of their better players. She plays forward (in hockey terms, not basketball) and is a junior at the University of Wisconsin. Interesting fact: She likes to whitewater raft. Okay, that was lame. Moving on…
Yea.
Nicole Joraanstad – Curling
Yes, I said CURLING! You know, that game of slowly sliding big stones across an ice rink in hopes of tossing a Wicky Wacky Woo. I think I’d watch it just to hear an announcer say, “Look at that. It’s a Wicky Wacky Woo!” and not bust up laughing. Anyways… Nicole recently turned 29 and went to the University of Wisconsin – Madison. Interesting fact: You can be recruited by her here! Not for a date (a little late for that one), but as in she’d be your recruiter for a job.
Bree Schaaf – Bobsled
Bree is a 29 year old from Washington state and was a former skeleton racer (you know, head first on your stomach) before moving over to the bobsled a few years ago. She played D-1 volleyball at Portland State. Interesting fact: She’s a trombone player. Oh, and she’ll fix your clothes for ya, in that she is a pretty darn good seamstress.
Ever felt the need to beat someone senseless with a computer, and not with that pansy mouse you use?
As the saying goes, “We’ve got an App for that!”
Or, more appropriately, a computer that you can use for not only checking your email but also for use as a billy club after those late night “excursions” away from the wife.
Forget trying to toss your cellphone or laptop, because those muggers are used to those things. Now, try the Juniper Systems TK6000 (thousand… thousand… thousand…)
No, it’s not a label maker. This bad boy specs are:
Windows Mobile 6.1
624MHz Marvel PXA270 processor
128MB RAM
1GB internal storage
microSDHC card expansion
32 hours of juice from a set of batteries
Wi-Fi
Bluetooth
No, it won’t play the latest Halo game or even SimCity without letting those little people run chaotic for a bit while it reloads the images. But we’re talking you can go to the construction site and drive a jack-hammer into the ground and not phase this bad boy that has no chance of fitting in your back pocket (let alone your front pockets).
Able to take multiple drops from five feet, the TK6000 (thousand… thousand… thousand…) is the latest in billy club/PDA mutation. It comes in this very sheek silver/gray trim and no, it doesn’t come in pink.
Okay, so, what’s up with prisons these days? Not that I’ve been in one lately, but after reading a story about how a “Godfather” was operating his crime syndicate from inside a prison in the United Kingdom via Facebook leaves me wondering… Why do prisoners get the internet? And more so, how does the prison not have a firewall or any other sort of program/application that tracks that kind of behavior?
Really?
The prison “allowed” Godfather Colin Gunn to have Facebook account access because it was his “legal right”. Uh, excuse me, but since when did those that perform ILLEGAL ACTS have any LEGAL RIGHTS in jail? Oh wait, are we talking about one of them fancy upstate, upscale rehab centers for celebrities? My bad.
Or are we too lenient on criminals? I mean, this “Godfather” wasn’t in jail for tax evasion or even jaywalking, but was in on a conspiracy to murder charge! So yes, by all means, allow him to post updates to his status for his 500+ “friends” to see, such as:
“I will be home one day and I can’t wait to look into certain people’s eyes and see the fear of me being there.”
and
“It’s good to have an outlet to let you know how I am, some of you will be in for a good slagging, some have let me down badly, and will be named and shamed, f****** rats.”
He sounds like quite the boss to me. Almost makes you want to rethink that benefit package for mobsters these days. But at least if you get caught, you can keep everybody up to date via Facebook and probably Twitter. And just when you really didn’t want to know what somebody was doing every second of their life. Can you say, watch for dropped soap?
Did you ever notice that the movie season tends to almost disappear after Christmas only to pick back up again come summertime?
Can anyone name a movie that has opened between 1/1 and 4/30 that was a huge success?
If you throw out Passion of the Christ for its pre-Easter opening, the next “best” movie to have opened between this black hole of film releases is a close battle between Fast & Furious (2009) and 300 (2007). Aside from my total man crush on Gerard Butler, those 2 movies are okay and were definitely niche movies.
Cloverfield in 2008 had the highest grossing ever for a January release at just over $40M for its opening weekend. Oh, and that was half of its haul for the ENTIRE LIFE OF THE MOVIE!
February had Passion of the Christ. And it made lots. Can anyone name the #2 movie opening of ALL TIME for February? Hannibal (2001). Jesus Christ and Hannibal Lecter. There’s an odd couple. Suffice to say, the list is thin in February for blockbusters.
March… well, it picks back up again with 300, Ice Age: The Meltdown, Monsters v Aliens, and The Watchmen all topping $50M for its opening weekends. Not bad. But then the list is a pretty big DROP after the next 12 or so movies of ALL TIME opening in March. Yikes.
April came and went, and nobody was really missing a “CAN”T MISS THIS MOVIE” experience, unless you are a big Hannah Montana fan, in love with Vin Diesel (Fast & Furious), or saw The Matrix when it first came out (because, let’’s face it, no one knew what to expect of that movie when it first came out). And again, after the top 20 OF ALL TIME grossers, it’’s pretty much chump?change for major blockbusters, WAY down below a $20M opening weekend.
Now comes the major blockbusters, in which if you don”t make around $80-$100M, it’’s considered a failure. But, can anyone name the worst month to open a movie, in terms of opening weekends?
September.
If Jackass: Number Two is in the top 10 OF ALL TIME movie openings in September, you know it’s a bad month. (Just barely missed out on the top 5 as well). If you were to add up the top 5 movie opening weekends OF ALL TIME in September, it would still be less than the top opening in July (The Dark Knight). 1 movie gaining more money than the top 5 of September. That’s patchetic. But hey, at least September has “International Housekeepers Week” for a celebration.
And… the next hottest Olympiads going into the 2010 Winter Olympics (hot enough to melt the ice!)
Gretchen Bleiler – Snowboarding. 27 years of age. From Ohio (OH-Hi-Oh!) She won a silver medal in the half-pipe competition in Turin (2006) and this year, no reason why she can’t score a gold. Interesting fact: She threw the first pitch in the home opener for the Colorado Rockies in 2006 as well as started a NASCAR race (Gentlemen, start your engines!)… and definitely had no problem meaning that phrase.
Lindsey Vonn – Alpine Skiier. 25 years of age. Born in Minnesota. She is considered the most successful women’s downhill skiier EVER. She has won the World Cup Championships for the past 2 years and is a HUGE favorite to win the Olympic Gold. Interesting Fact: She bruised her arm in her in the opening run of her 2010 World Cup giant slalom and still managed to come back and win 3 races (2 downhills, 1 Super G) with her arm in a brace. One can only wonder what she can do fully healed.
Tanith Belbin – Ice Dancing. Okay, so, maybe I”ll watch Ice Dancing. I know my wife really enjoys it. I just might too… Anyways… 25 years of age, dual citizen with Canada and the US , though she chose to compete for the US team and not the Canadian team (Oh Canada!). She won a silver medal in Turin (2006) with her partner Benjamin Agosto after she became a citizen of the US on 12/31/05 through a special act of Congress. Interesting Fact: Performed an ice dance during exhibition to the song “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. I think she brought it back just fine.
“Frankenstorm”. No, it’s not a new movie and no it does not involve Frankenstein or Mary Shelley. In other words, it sounds lame since it doesn’t sound like something cool.
“Frankenstorm” (unless you want to refer to it as Al Franken winning a senate seat) is some “chaos theory” (Thanks Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park!) of the worst possible scenario for a END ALL of END ALLS of storms hitting the West Coast. Yeah. Can someone say WHY DO PEOPLE GET PAID TO SIT AROUND AND THINK THIS CRAP UP?!?!? *and if you know someone, let me know, as I wouldn’t mind getting paid to think things up… My phone number is…*
So… let me tell you the gist of this “Frankenstorm” that someone on too much Redbull thought up.
3 STRAIGHT weeks of storms (1 week of really, really bad storms non-stop) followed by a stalled out 2 week system that just dumps and dumps and dumps until it finally drains itself of all of its precipitation. Roughly, 8 feet of rain during this period. 8 FEET! 96 INCHES!! 96 MILLION MICRO-INCHES!!! (okay, I have no idea what a micro-inch is, but it sounded large)
Remember when “The Big One” was supposed to hit and California was supposed to break off into an island, form into a prison penal colony, and Snake Plissken (aka Kurt Russell) was supposed to swoop in and recover a doomsday device? Oh wait…
What about California turning in to San Angeles (San Diego to Santa Barbara) where it would be illegal to swear, eat salt, and all restaurants are Taco Bells? Oh wait…
It seems I’m on a “not-quite-reality” kick. “Frankenstorm”… Product of Climate Change… no… Global Warming… wait… What is our boy Al calling it these days? Polar Bears or something?
Anyways, once again… *if you know someone who funds these things, besides Hollywood, let me know, as I wouldn’t mind getting paid to think things up… My phone number is…*
On this episode of ManVBlog “What Were They THINKING Thursday”, we examine a more crappier aspect of my blogging job.
No. Really crappy.
So crappy, you might classify it as Craptastic.
How many of you know of California? I presume just about everyone. How many of you know that it is WAY in debt? In fact, come March, it will have $0 in the bank. It will actually have a $1 BILLION shortfall come March. And this from a state that is #1) the most populous, #2) has “The Terminator” as its govenor (I mean, it can’t fail then, right?), and #3) has a city now paying for MANDATORY COMPOSTING!
Yes folks, you read that right. MANDATORY COMPOSTING. Not only recycling of paper, plastic, aluminum, and of plastic surgery (see Nancy Pelosi)…
But now, you have to mandatorily compost ANYTHING organic in the city of San Francisco.
The week of Oct 21, 2009, they started issuing out “composting containers” for every residence in San Francisco. “Eh” for the single family homes, but can you imagine what it must be like for the apartment complexes and so forth? Having to walk your freshly filled stuff down 3 sets of stairs (since elevators don’t work, since that costs money to fix) and go into a RANK trash room to dump off your formerly good smelling scraps? I’m sure if I wanted to dig around a bit that hospitals in the good ole city of San Franny would have seen a spike in falls and passing out/cracked head open cases from the pure stench that has to be emanating from that hell-hole of a trash room. I can’t even imagine the smell of the city now with all of that composting piling up somewhere. Forget SMOG, how about a grey cloud of vomiting inducing COMPOSTY-FOG (COMPFOG) coming at you? Wouldn”t that be a great way to start your day?
So, forget about leaving my heart in San Francisco. Leave your CRAP there and move out before you gain a stench that you can never wash off. And you can thank Mayor Newsom for that.
In the 8th annual “No Pants to Work Day” in NYC, you can ride the subway and see if someone forgot to wash their unmentionables. Evidently, it’s spreading. However, they had to rename “No Pants to Work Day” in the UK to “No Trousers to Work Day”, as “pants” in the UK refer to underwear. I guess they didn’t like the commando style.
Gretchen Bleiler – Snowboarding. 27 years of age. From Ohio (OH-Hi-Oh!) She won a silver medal in the half-pipe competition in Turin (2006) and this year, no reason why she can’t score a gold. Interesting fact: She threw the first pitch in the home opener for the Colorado Rockies in 2006 as well as started a NASCAR race (Gentlemen, start your engines!)… and definitely had no problem meaning that phrase.
Lindsey Vonn – Alpine Skiier. 25 years of age. Born in Minnesota. She is considered the most successful women’s downhill skiier EVER. She has won the World Cup Championships for the past 2 years and is a HUGE favorite to win the Olympic Gold. Interesting Fact: She bruised her arm in her in the opening run of her 2010 World Cup giant slalom and still managed to come back and win 3 races (2 downhills, 1 Super G) with her arm in a brace. One can only wonder what she can do fully healed.
Tanith Belbin – Ice Dancing. Okay, so, maybe I”ll watch Ice Dancing. I know my wife really enjoys it. I just might too… Anyways… 25 years of age, dual citizen with Canada and the US , though she chose to compete for the US team and not the Canadian team (Oh Canada!). She won a silver medal in Turin (2006) with her partner Benjamin Agosto after she became a citizen of the US on 12/31/05 through a special act of Congress. Interesting Fact: Performed an ice dance during exhibition to the song “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. I think she brought it back just fine.
